Help Me Forget
by janie k
Summary: My first fic. A short reflection on the Huddy kiss from season 5 episode "Joy." It revisits their college years and the understanding they share.


**Disclaimer:** I'm not sure if this is required, but I don't own anything.

He had shown up at her door and attempted to console her, before leaving her alone and confused. And now Lisa Cuddy lay in bed, contemplating their kiss and what it had meant. If anything, it had only deepened the understanding that they shared.

She had first known him as a legend, with a reputation for brilliance and brashness that other students (and professors) both envied and admired. For a brief time she had known him as a mentor, someone who challenged and inspired her. Not that she needed any motivation – she was already top of her undergraduate class, with excellent grades and a drive that guaranteed her a bachelor's degree in just less than three years. Her early acceptance to medical school was impressive, and she was due to start the fall following her last semester.

They had met that spring at a campus party, where he had spotted her and, true to character, said something shallow and unnecessary. She had recognized him instantly by his name, which she gathered from countless rumors and stories, as could only be expected from someone with a reputation such as his. The witty retort she had offered in response to his advances had only fascinated him further, and somehow over time they had become so familiar that they were nearly friends. After a while he offered to help her study, arrogantly adding that she could use his expertise for her future in med school.

He had never been known to 'help' anyone, but he was intrigued by her, and she respected him. She had accepted, if only for the reason that she enjoyed talking with him, no matter how difficult he could be. In all honesty he enjoyed talking to her just as much, and a comfortable understanding grew between them. She allowed him to shamelessly brag on his own knowledge and findings, hidden cleverly in well-crafted metaphors and professional jargon. He provided her with stories and diagnoses filled with mystery and the problem-solving that she craved.

The time they spent together was not without arguments, however. She often called him out on his haughty and condescending nature, complaining that no patient would ever want to be treated by him regardless of what he knew. He, in turn, criticized her for her naivety and occasional bitchiness. Their disagreements were balanced by flirtatious banter and a shared appreciation of each other's company.

In the midst of pursuing her career she had managed to sustain a relationship with a fellow undergrad for nearly a year and a half. It was nowhere near perfect, and the novelty and excitement had long been forgotten, but it had still lasted and they were comfortable with the idea of being together. He was pre-law, handsome, and came from a lot of money. He often thought that he could love her, but between her studies and her time spent volunteering at the local hospital, he hardly saw her. Even when they were together she seemed distracted, and he, finally tired of being ignored, had broken it off with her in a heated argument one evening. Her heart had been broken, mostly because she knew she had somehow managed to ruin another relationship. While dumping her, he had not neglected to tell her that she "made it impossible to love her" and "wasn't capable of letting anyone in anyway." The words stung deeper than she had expected, her biggest fear being that they hurt because they were true.

She had shown up at House's apartment that same night, silent but clearly upset. While until now she had used him as an aide for her memory, her eyes now glistened with a need for him to help her forget. He had understood instantly, and was more than willing to oblige. He tested her at first by slowly pressing his lips to hers, until need led them into a night full of passion. Afterward they had both been surprised, not so much because it had happened but because it had been so good. He was awake the next morning when she left, and they exchanged knowing smiles. With no regrets or need to confront what had occurred, both allowed the night to just be what it was, beautiful and uncomplicated. "See you around, Cuddy," he had said, nodding slightly as she turned and he watched her leave.

And he did see her occasionally, mostly across campus, until he graduated from med school. With each sighting they were very cordial with one another, both remembering the times they had spent. He would never tell her but even now he thought often of that night. But with all of the comments and glances he gave her at work, it was really no mystery to her.

Neither of them had changed much since then. She was still addicted to work and craved perfection; he was the same miserable ass. They had not expected to ever see each other again but many years later, after she had worked her way to the top and he had lost countless jobs, she hired him at PPTH as head diagnostician. The situation was much more complex than it had been in their college years, but on rare occasion they would share a moment that resembled their old friendship. Sure the flirtatious squabbles were still there, but nothing could compare to the feeling that was recaptured when they kissed in the entryway to her house.

Deep down she knew why it had happened. She had been heartbroken again, losing Joy and what she felt was her last chance at happiness. He had come to her this time and she had called him out on his "need to negate everything." For a moment it was nothing but an argument similar to those they had had over and over. But then he had caught her stare and had seen that same glisten in her eyes, the same longing to forget the present pain. Not being able (or even wanting) to respond, a simple "I don't know" was all he could manage. And he suddenly felt the need to help her the only way he knew how, once again, by pressing his lips to hers. Like all those years ago, it was good, but it was now complicated by their working situation and years of difference. This time much was at stake, and he had left her there alone.

Reflecting on the kiss, she truly appreciated him for who he was. Neither of them was capable of a real relationship, especially not with each other. But there were those exceptional moments when, forgetting all barriers and complexities, they were perfect together.


End file.
